COMPLICATED LIFE

COMPLICATED LIFE

 

‘Why dyu wanna go and complicate things faw?

“Kinda makes thangs inarestin’ don’t yo thank!”

 

I’ve been in charge of this clinic, one of the many, peppered across the land, now for over 3 years and nothing looks like changing.

I’m Professor Willis Shortfellow; the patients here call me Dr Shortstump; they get off on that childish stuff but I don’t have the time to be obliging, I have other things on my mind.

 

This clinic, along with the others, was developed specifically for treating Synchronised Timewarped Uppity Disorder, 'STUPID' for short. 

It’s a relatively new disorder, about a decade and a half or so.

At first it affected only the male species but it has now spread itself to the female population, not being one to be outdone, at a rate of 7 to 3.

 

The symptoms are easily identified.

 

The patient will subconsciously complicate the simplest matter, so that brushing one’s teeth can become quite a traumatic brain splitting science where the patient becomes flustered at not being able to process it as he has been subliminally directed; as if there was only one right way of brushing one’s teeth.

The patient’s only relief seems to be to get on line, where everyone else gets the chance to put in their 2bob’s worth, and tell the whole world about it; they find it therapeutic and communal.

 

Other symptoms include being laden with obsessive impulses.

 

They become obsessed with almost everything but the top priorities seem to be achieving perfection and making an impression through the use of research, format, chronology and technicalities.

Cleanliness and hygiene are up there with the best of them. But the one that everyone’s crazy about is 're-makes'.

In fact re-makes are all the rage now, especially now, as they've all been intensified by the latest solarised colour and 21^st Century effects complicated by simplistic plots for them to sink their teeth into.

 

 The cause of this epidemic was theorised in a book called ‘K.I.S.S before you go’ by an ex stand up comedian who thought he’d have a bit of fun with it.

Of course everyone knew that 'K.I.S.S' was an acronym for ‘keep it simple, stupid’ because everyone loved decoding acronyms and became expert at it, it must be said.

So the masses thought they were clever for being in on the plot and gladly went along for the ride.

It showed the world that they were good sports and everyone loved being good sports, it meant you were a decent human being with nothing sinister to hide behind.

 

The author had turned the hypothesis into a story with tongue firmly placed in cheek; it was in his nature, I guess.

 

He purported that sometime in the middle part of the 20^th Century, we, humans pleaded with the God of Information Technology, GIT for short, to provide us with loads of information and to relieve us of our mundane factory life.

We needed meaning in our lives and lots of time to seek it in.

Street prophets sprouted up out of the cracked pavements heeding warnings that too much information would render everything meaningless and that complications would result from it.

We discarded them as DADS (Deaf and dumb simpletons).

 

We put our faith in the GIT and when it showered us with new technologies and libraries of information, we knew we had done the right thing.

Technology gave us time to soak up information beamed from on high. We thought we’d never get enough of it; we wanted to be clever, well informed, prepared for any incident that might have come our way.

We were in awe of ourselves; we were like new born babes in the wood; unaware and trusting; we didn’t want to see the wolf stalking us behind the bushes.

We became well informed about everything and seemed to know the ending before it occurred.

Nothing surprised us anymore. Slowly but surely we were becoming complacent and losing all meaning.

So we asked GIT to help us out and it said go and improve your plot.

“How will we achieve this task, oh Mighty one?”

“Do not despair, I will provide you with the right tools.”

 

So out of the blue, we discovered streamlining. It was fulfilling to begin with; it gave us renewed meaning.

But soon we discovered that as a direct result of every process being streamlined, which we looked forward to achieving, others were being created that also had to be managed and subsequently streamlined.

We were actually complicating matters by trying to simplify them.

 

And to top it all off, Git was making impossible demands, it wanted us to behave like itself; instantaneous and timeless.

We found we had no time to do the things we wanted; to seek meaning and leisure.

We’re humans not machines.

 But complicating matters was exactly what we were subconsciously trying to attain but didn’t realize it because the desire to complicate matters is so embedded in our nature.

 

We were all subliminally being affected by the STUPID virus which created  delusions whereby  we’re tricked into thinking we want simplification, meaning and leisure, only to find out that was what was being materialized right in front of our own eyes were actually complications. So we started stressing out, not realizing we’d gotten what we wanted.

 

The author summarised that we didn’t really want meaning nor did we want leisure; it was all part of the plot to complicate life.

 

When we had meaning we had bliss and bliss became boring.

 

Everyone loved the book and found it to be humorous and entertaining, everyone picked up on the irony and absolutely loved it; they even made a movie out of it, starring the wacky Will Farrell and the deadpan Owen Wilson. It became a huge hit and was translated in many languages and didn’t even lose one once of impact in translation.

A true Masterpiece, it was.  

 

I, on the other hand took it seriously and personal. I found an element of truth in the story that caused me concern and it alienated me from everyone else. I began to doubt my own beliefs as no one else seemed to be on my wavelength and it took every scrap of my strength to stay on the path of finding a solution to this rot.

 

I feel I’m fighting a losing battle as other psychiatrists don’t seem to agree with my solution to put an end to this epidemic, which is, to tell the patients that it is okay to complicate matters because without complications we die.

Complication is part of life, it helps us to grow and become.

It gives us meaning.

And we can go forward from there.

 

“Why wake them from their slumber?” is their reply, “it would only confuse them and make things worse.”

 

I know I have but a very slim chance of my hypothesis having any effect on the patients, after all, it was knowledge that got us in this mess but I can’t think of any other way to get us out of it; we’ll just have to suck it and see, to quote a very popular Board Meeting expression.

I always have a chuckle to myself whenever I think about that expression and the fact that Board directors still use it in those situations.

Do they realize its double entendre, its mutation from innocence to innuendo?

Maybe they do and they’re trying to inject a bit of complication into the situation.